Men Leading Repair

A 9 week Men’s Group Coaching Pilot

Become the man who is a safe space when things get hard.

We men don't struggle with relationships because we don't care. We care fiercely!

We struggle because unexpected moments of conflict and relational rupture very naturally stir something in us—defensiveness, frustration, confusion, withdrawal, shutting down, fixing, explaining, blaming, or the urgent need to make the upset of those we care about go away.

And when any of that happens, the very thing our partner, kids, friends or colleagues most need from us – fierce, loving presence - can suddenly become the hardest thing to offer them.

If this is familiar, you're not broken—and you're certainly not alone. Most of us were simply never taught what to do when connection becomes conflict, when love meets rupture.

This program is about changing that.

Men Leading Repair is a practical, experiential 9-week journey for men who want to develop the skills to stay present in moments of conflict, understand what's really happening, take responsibility without collapsing into shame, and actively lead the process of repair.

Not by becoming passive. Not by learning how to "win" arguments. Not by becoming a perfect man.

But by developing our capacity to stay open and grounded when we usually lose our shit, or when those we care about lose theirs!

I’m Fish (James Gill), Australia’s leading relational repair coach

and I’ve been leading this skills development all over the globe since 2009. You can read more about me here.

In witnessing thousands of conflicts of all shapes and sizes, I’ve discovered that conflict is not the issue – it’s how we react or respond when conflict inevitably strikes that matters. I’ve discovered that if we skilfully navigate conflict it can actually take a relationship deeper – it becomes the front door to deeper trust, connection and intimacy.

Because rupture is inevitable. And repair is a lost art.

Every relationship will have inevitable moments of disconnection.

Our partner says, "You never listen to me."

Our teenager slams the door.

Our colleague challenges us.

Someone we love tells us that something we did hurt them.

We feel misunderstood, criticised, unappreciated, rejected or disrespected.

And suddenly we’re no longer responding to the person in front of us. We’re defending ourselves. Building our case. Explaining our intentions. Going quiet. Lashing out. Walking away. Or desperately trying to fix everything so we don't have to feel the tension and pressure of conflict.

The problem isn't that we experience these reactions. It’s when they run our relationships. It’s when they amplify the conflict, or have us stay in our corners for days or weeks.

This 9-week men's group coaching pilot is about learning precisely that: the skill of staying present when relationship gets difficult.

Just imagine what becomes possible when the people we love most can actually feel our deeper presence in the moments that matter most—when our partner finally feels heard, our kids experience us as more emotionally available, and the people around us discover that conflict doesn't have to mean disconnection.

Over 9 weeks, you'll learn to...

Stay present under pressure

1

Recognise what's happening inside you when conflict activates you—and develop the capacity to remain connected rather than automatically fight, flee, freeze or fix.

Learn to hear another person's experience, beneath their words and actions, without treating their pain as an accusation you need to protect yourself from.

Listen without immediately defending

2

Because relationship isn't about deciding who is right. It's about developing the capacity to hold two wildly different realities (ours and theirs) at once, so BOTH can be tended to skilfully.

Hold your own experience while making room for theirs

3

Learn the difference between accountability and self-blame—and discover how genuine, heart-felt responsibility can quickly create deeper trust, connection and intimacy.

Take responsibility without collapsing into shame

4

Move beyond resentment, withdrawal and expectation—and develop the courage to discover what you actually need, want and feel and communicate it skilfully with those in your life.

Express your needs clearly

5 Navigate anger

6

Learn to recognise anger as information and energy to guide you towards healthy relating, rather than something you either suppress or vomit onto someone else.

Because you're going to. You'll say the wrong thing, get defensive, withdraw, or you'll lose your shit. We all do - we’re human. The goal isn't never to have conflict or rupture. The goal is knowing how to come back quickly, skilfully – to know how to recreate connection between you and those you love in any moment it naturally goes missing.

Repair after you've screwed up

7

Learn an elegant and practical framework for initiating the conversations that so often get avoided—and become a man who doesn't wait for someone else to make the relationship safe again.

Lead repair

8

This is for the man who...

loves his partner but finds himself becoming defensive when she's upset
wants to be closer to his kids but doesn't always know how
struggles to talk about what he feels and what he needs
tends to become withdrawn, angry, frozen or feels hopeless in conflict
finds himself explaining himself, only to be told he’s not listening
carries resentment because his love doesn’t seem to be landing
wants to be respected without becoming controlling
wants connection and intimacy without having to be
has relationships that matter deeply to him—and wants to become better at tending them
knows that being told to "just communicate" doesn’t get him anywhere
is ready to look honestly at himself without being shamed for being a man
wants to feel proud and powerful in relating to those he cherishes

A men's space that's honest, real and practical

This isn't therapy. It's not a lecture series. And it isn't a space where we are going to be told everything we’ve ever done wrong. It's a small-group coaching experience where we talk honestly about the painful and frustrating relationship moments we often find ourselves in, where we learn practical, transformational communication skills, and where we are supported to practise responding differently over time. We'll work with real ruptures, real conversations, real frustrations, real fear, real shame, real love. And we'll build the skills to meet all of it in ways that bring us power, closeness and peace.

We’ll be showing the way for other men

This is a pilot program for something much bigger. The skills we develop together will form the foundation of an evergreen online men's program that will soon be available to men’s networks far and wide. So, the men who join this pilot aren't simply joining a coaching program—they're forging the way for men everywhere. Because I believe that a man's capacity to remain present in relational crisis is not just a relationship skill. It is a profoundly human one. Imagine millions of men becoming more capable of meeting conflict with presence rather than defensiveness, accountability rather than shame, and connection rather than withdrawal. That won’t just change families. It will change communities. It will alter the course of humanity.

We likely already know there’s a better way, we just don’t know how.

Some part of us already knows there has to be another way. We are likely tired of losing ourselves in conflict, tired of feeling like we can't win at loving the people we care about, and ready to become a man who can stay and lead the way to peace when it matters most. If that’s you, come and forge the way with us!

You’ll need to consent to being witnessed by others

As this is a pilot, places are deliberately limited to 15 men and offered at a significant discount compared to my standard 9-week live coaching programs.

To participate, you'll be required to consent to the coaching sessions being recorded and made publicly available to future participants, so that your learning can become part of the pathway for men who come after you.Your courage to go first will become the roadmap for thousands of other men to follow.

Learn the art of staying. Help build something that could ripple far beyond your own relationships – into families and communities across the globe.